The Ever-Loving Virgin Prince

Chomping and chundering chums,

I assure you, that’s a sarsaparilla in my hand.

Well here we are, whiling away the last hours of day four of my newfound sobriety. I must say, this is going much easier than I thought it would. If there’s been at all any negative side-effects in this newfound path I’ve chosen, it seems so far that my only inconvenience is a persistent and demanding sweet-tooth that has made itself known in the absence of my sweet, sweet Irish whiskey. Still, though I had kicked soda in years past, I must say a rootbeer or two is probably preferable to six beers or several glasses of whiskey. Not that I wouldn’t prefer to be back on water only.

Things are going swimmingly. I’m noticing subtle health and personality differences since I’ve stopped drinking, and my energy level is up considerably. Waking up, even on minimal sleep, is no longer difficult. I’m even MORE flirtatious with the girls at work now (if that’s possible), and the smile which I possess, my jubilant spirit, and positive attitude towards life seem to have stretched, grown, and increased, respectively. Hot damn, I’m hopping, jumping, and singing. I’m skipping to and fro; I’m a veritable Pandora’s Box of positive emotions, and damn if I’m not lusty too.

There’s something to be said for waking up absent of four shaven monkeys gnawing on your skull. Four ANGRY monkeys, covered in Band-Aids and cheap women’s makeup, for whom electric-shock had done very little to relieve their senses of hostility. I used to swat them away and go to work rubbing my eyes, smelling of monkey droppings, but no more! Ah, this Virgin Prince is golden now, unsullied and untouchable. How radiant the sun, how much easier my eyes adjust to the daylight. I’m transitioning into a day-walker.

Things are good. I’ve finally gotten back my Shatner albums, my DEVO debut album, my Panjabi MC Japanese import, and my Sifl & Olly soundtrack. In addition to all this musical bliss which I am re-experiencing, I’ve also recently come into possession of a couple of very well-made Tim Curry bootleg CDs. I’ve got all my favorite songs! I Do the Rock! Professional Pirate! Paradise Garage! The Ballad of Davey Crocket! Hide This Face! The Zucchini Song! Charge It! Oh, times are good and my ears are buzzing. To top this all off, I have a Brian Dewan album on the way.

I don’t quite know why, but the weather has been gorgeous outside. Bright sunny days polka-dotted with random groupings of beautiful women. Strange that this should happen so quickly after our rainy season had briefly started, but I have no complaints. You know, California… it ain’t bad. Especially here.

Hate to be so brief, but I should probably get going. There are showers to be had, a full day’s work to prepare for, ladies that will need wooing, and I really need to get to doing some research on the works of Gilbert & Sullivan. I’ve a mad craving for some Pirates of Penzance. I’ll be back later, dressed in rubber and ready to crawl inside your skulls. Be good out there.

Be seeing you,
The Virgin Prince