The Ever-Loving Virgin Prince
Thursday, February 12, 2004
"Virgin Boobies"
Lowly friends,
Some of you perhaps may wonder just what sort of distinguished gent or lass might read my page. Who are the fine folks lovingly gazing upon my written words that so surely must be the pinnacle of elegance and taste? Is it truly possible for so large a group of people to epitomize intellectual perfection and evolutionary success? I can not tell you truly, all I can say for sure is that my readers are by far superior to the average member of society, a detestable sort of bottom-feeder largely left satisfied by the nonsensical meanderings of the film Titanic, the chromosome-imbalanced buffoonery of Jackass, the Nazi-esque furor inducing sounds of the Insane Clown Posse, and grainy daguerreotypes of Paris Hilton caught in the act of nude wrestling, lit with some form of night-vision.
Yes, my readers are far more sophisticated than the average person (the average person now being considered the dregs of any random sampling of bipedal creatures), and yet still, my readers still can’t quite measure up to my own glory. It shouldn’t be much of a concern, should you be one of the many people that is not, in fact, me. I’m a hard act to follow, and surely with my strong jaw, magnificent physique, beautiful eyes, gleaming teeth, superior brain, and royal blood, it should be that much easier to accept for yourselves the role of second-best, if even that. Feel not discouraged, nay! Rejoice! Rejoice for you have been granted the singular privilege of being able to exist within the cosmos at the same time as none other than The Virgin Prince!
This all said, it’s not always just the intelligent few that are able to view the intellectual workings of myself. Sometimes the knuckle-dragging omadawns among us manage to make their way through the complex world of binary programming and html code to stumble upon my page. How? Well, there’s all manner of sites that link to this, my repository of knowledge and tales of adventure. Some of them being Blogwise, Blogstreet, Blogarama, Geek Philosopher, and Eatonweb Portal. In addition, somewhere in Singapore I was listed of having the “Blog of the Day” courtesy of Infrarouge.Heh heh, someone in Singapore likes me. I guess it’s not just wholesome red-blooded Americans that hold The Virgin Prince in awe.
Most of the breastfed-until-fifteen goons that stumble upon my page come from the search engines, notably Yahoo and Google, and their sub-sites located everywhere from Canada to Czechoslovakia. I’ll grant you now an idea of just what type of reader I’ve had to deal with, and what exactly they came looking for, though not in any kind of chronological order, or for that matter, order of any kind.
“Kylie MInogue corn rows” (Yahoo) I really don’t see why the delectable Kylie Minogue’s corn rows are more important than anyone else’s but I suppose it takes all kinds.
“Journey’s Steve Perry crotch pictures” (Yahoo) This one just disturbs me. To whomever was looking for these images, sorry to disappoint.
“vacancies for christine aguilera warm up acts” (Google) I’m sorry, but Christina Aguilera ceased communication with me more than six months ago, finally fed up with the unique hair stylings I’d been giving her. She can complain all she wants, but there isn’t anyone around that can deny she stood out in the Lady Marmalade video. Also, she was tired of being constantly groped. And I ran over her cat.
“rattrap” (Google) I think there was more to this query, though I can’t recall now. At least this one was looking for something as harmless as Transformers.
“view paris hilton’s nocturnal sex video” (Yahoo) Ha ha! Silly mortal! Only Paris Hilton and her many significant others can view such things. And myself, courtesy of Santa’s North Pole Surveillance Database. And anyone with a credit card.
“virginman” (Google) I think you’re looking for the wrong superhero. I’m no mere man.
“paris hilton exposed buttcrack pictures” (Yahoo) You again? Shouldn’t you be stealing music or something? Why don’t you try to find that accursed video on Napster or something? For that matter, why not visit a New York nightclub where you’ll most likely see Paris Hilton commit lewd acts in person. You’ll probably even end up making your own video with her anyway, as long as you keep the drinks coming. Like you’d even need the drinks.
“the hitler, osama, mandy moore game” (Google) I initially thought that this person must be very disturbed, but upon giving the matter thought, realized that such a game would very much capture my interest as well. A morbid sort of curiosity if you will. I can only imagine what sort of mind would make such a game, or how it would play, though I’m fairly certain that the soundtrack would have to feature the theme from The Odd Couple.
“roman toga tradition orgy” (Yahoo) I don’t know. I just don’t know. I’m not sure what this person was trying to find, nor what sort of person would have such a query. Good luck to you, Caligula 2.0.
“activator teeth drooling” (Seznam) This one comes from the Czech equivalent of Google. I have no idea what this guy was searching for, but at least it doesn’t seem to be pornography. That puts Czechoslovakia ahead of the Americans and Canadians, at least statistically.
Well that’s all I have listed. There were more, I’m sure, I seem to recall a particularly nasty one with Britney Spears involved, but I’ve lost track of a bunch of the queries. No worries, I’m doubtless that there will soon be more as there is an endless amount of slack-jawed simpletons with access to computers. I’ll admit to a slight bit of perverse anticipation as I wait for the next batch of Darwinian disappointments. Until then...
Be seeing you,
The Virgin Prince
Some of you perhaps may wonder just what sort of distinguished gent or lass might read my page. Who are the fine folks lovingly gazing upon my written words that so surely must be the pinnacle of elegance and taste? Is it truly possible for so large a group of people to epitomize intellectual perfection and evolutionary success? I can not tell you truly, all I can say for sure is that my readers are by far superior to the average member of society, a detestable sort of bottom-feeder largely left satisfied by the nonsensical meanderings of the film Titanic, the chromosome-imbalanced buffoonery of Jackass, the Nazi-esque furor inducing sounds of the Insane Clown Posse, and grainy daguerreotypes of Paris Hilton caught in the act of nude wrestling, lit with some form of night-vision.
Yes, my readers are far more sophisticated than the average person (the average person now being considered the dregs of any random sampling of bipedal creatures), and yet still, my readers still can’t quite measure up to my own glory. It shouldn’t be much of a concern, should you be one of the many people that is not, in fact, me. I’m a hard act to follow, and surely with my strong jaw, magnificent physique, beautiful eyes, gleaming teeth, superior brain, and royal blood, it should be that much easier to accept for yourselves the role of second-best, if even that. Feel not discouraged, nay! Rejoice! Rejoice for you have been granted the singular privilege of being able to exist within the cosmos at the same time as none other than The Virgin Prince!
This all said, it’s not always just the intelligent few that are able to view the intellectual workings of myself. Sometimes the knuckle-dragging omadawns among us manage to make their way through the complex world of binary programming and html code to stumble upon my page. How? Well, there’s all manner of sites that link to this, my repository of knowledge and tales of adventure. Some of them being Blogwise, Blogstreet, Blogarama, Geek Philosopher, and Eatonweb Portal. In addition, somewhere in Singapore I was listed of having the “Blog of the Day” courtesy of Infrarouge.Heh heh, someone in Singapore likes me. I guess it’s not just wholesome red-blooded Americans that hold The Virgin Prince in awe.
Most of the breastfed-until-fifteen goons that stumble upon my page come from the search engines, notably Yahoo and Google, and their sub-sites located everywhere from Canada to Czechoslovakia. I’ll grant you now an idea of just what type of reader I’ve had to deal with, and what exactly they came looking for, though not in any kind of chronological order, or for that matter, order of any kind.
“Kylie MInogue corn rows” (Yahoo) I really don’t see why the delectable Kylie Minogue’s corn rows are more important than anyone else’s but I suppose it takes all kinds.
“Journey’s Steve Perry crotch pictures” (Yahoo) This one just disturbs me. To whomever was looking for these images, sorry to disappoint.
“vacancies for christine aguilera warm up acts” (Google) I’m sorry, but Christina Aguilera ceased communication with me more than six months ago, finally fed up with the unique hair stylings I’d been giving her. She can complain all she wants, but there isn’t anyone around that can deny she stood out in the Lady Marmalade video. Also, she was tired of being constantly groped. And I ran over her cat.
“rattrap” (Google) I think there was more to this query, though I can’t recall now. At least this one was looking for something as harmless as Transformers.
“view paris hilton’s nocturnal sex video” (Yahoo) Ha ha! Silly mortal! Only Paris Hilton and her many significant others can view such things. And myself, courtesy of Santa’s North Pole Surveillance Database. And anyone with a credit card.
“virginman” (Google) I think you’re looking for the wrong superhero. I’m no mere man.
“paris hilton exposed buttcrack pictures” (Yahoo) You again? Shouldn’t you be stealing music or something? Why don’t you try to find that accursed video on Napster or something? For that matter, why not visit a New York nightclub where you’ll most likely see Paris Hilton commit lewd acts in person. You’ll probably even end up making your own video with her anyway, as long as you keep the drinks coming. Like you’d even need the drinks.
“the hitler, osama, mandy moore game” (Google) I initially thought that this person must be very disturbed, but upon giving the matter thought, realized that such a game would very much capture my interest as well. A morbid sort of curiosity if you will. I can only imagine what sort of mind would make such a game, or how it would play, though I’m fairly certain that the soundtrack would have to feature the theme from The Odd Couple.
“roman toga tradition orgy” (Yahoo) I don’t know. I just don’t know. I’m not sure what this person was trying to find, nor what sort of person would have such a query. Good luck to you, Caligula 2.0.
“activator teeth drooling” (Seznam) This one comes from the Czech equivalent of Google. I have no idea what this guy was searching for, but at least it doesn’t seem to be pornography. That puts Czechoslovakia ahead of the Americans and Canadians, at least statistically.
Well that’s all I have listed. There were more, I’m sure, I seem to recall a particularly nasty one with Britney Spears involved, but I’ve lost track of a bunch of the queries. No worries, I’m doubtless that there will soon be more as there is an endless amount of slack-jawed simpletons with access to computers. I’ll admit to a slight bit of perverse anticipation as I wait for the next batch of Darwinian disappointments. Until then...
The Virgin Prince
