The Ever-Loving Virgin Prince

Being the adventures of a hard-drinking, chain-smoking, dashing man about town, aspiring gonzo-journalist and mystery-man.
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Monday, February 27, 2006

Double Fuck!

A Hero Writes!


In A Slump


Dime-store detectives,

     Remember yesterday when I was all bummed out because of the loss of one of my favorite actors and heroes? Remember how I said that though I’d been expecting it, he was the one I least wanted to see go? Well there was someone else I forgot.

     And today he’s dead.

     Much to my dismay, and with a heavy air of sadness, I must report that Darren McGavin has died. Darren McGavin, the great character actor. My father, I assume, surely loves him for his part as The Old Man in A Christmas Story, his favorite film. I, myself, of course favored McGavin as Carl Kolchak, the Night Stalker, a character of which I’ve spoken several times on this fine site. You may even recall I dressed up as him during the last Bay To Breakers.

     In fact, Kolchak the Night Stalker, that is… Kolchak as Darren McGavin portrayed him, has been much on my mind recently. For one, both Kolchak movies and the entire run of the subsequent show have been recently released on DVD; I wasted no time in requesting them for Christmas. Secondly, having finally attended Wondercon once more in the past few weeks, I came away with a new Kolchak book, certainly one of my more prized finds. You see, without question, McGavin’s Kolchak is by far one of my all-time favorite characters in entertainment.

     There’s a brilliance in the design and portrayal of Kolchak as a character. Much as the original author of The Kolchak Papers deserves credit, this is one case in which Darren McGavin played every bit as important a role. From mannerisms to wardrobe, McGavin made the character the cult favorite that it is today.

     To give you a brief overview, Carl Kolchak was a down-on-his-luck reporter, with little in the way of fame, fortune, or even a decent wardrobe. Not much respected in the world of journalism and always struggling for a good story, Kolchak roamed the land in his old seersucker suit and porkpie hat, bluffing his way into places he didn’t belong, stumbling upon threats of a supernatural or incredibly weird nature, and getting harassed and threatened at every turn by the police and most other public officials he encountered. What makes Kolchak a far more entertaining hero than most was the fact that he was far from superhuman, and in fact, decidedly mortal, physically average, and out of shape. When encountering a vampire, malevolent Native American spirit, giant lizard man, or Hindu monster, Kolchak could be COUNTED ON to scream like a girl and run.

     But here’s the thing: Kolchak always saved the day. He didn’t do it because he was paid, or because he was fearless; he didn’t do it for any sort of reward or even any recognition from the public. In fact, the public rarely even knew of the menaces he faced, let alone of some scruffy reporter for a second-rate paper. No, he did it every time simply because he knew it was right. Where the police and the military always failed, he succeeded, never having been limited to thinking merely in normal terms. There was one other thing which drove him to constantly place himself in such circumstances of high danger: the truth. Regardless of his lack of physical advantage, his high capacity for fear, and the lack of friends and aid in his adventures, Kolchak strove on, unstoppable in his mission to find the truth.

     To you, I recommend you go out and find out absolutely everything you can about Kolchak the Night Stalker. In fact, rent the first film, The Night Stalker, for you will certainly be pleased. It was the highest-rated television-movie ever in its day, so that should say something to you of the quality inherent in the piece. Beyond that, I recommend you check out all the performances of Darren McGavin in general, the man never gave a weak performance in his life. He simply wasn’t capable of it.

     Here’s to Darren McGavin: a fine performer, and one we’ll likely never replace.

Be seeing you,
The Virgin Prince
The Virgin Prince, 3:14 PM | link |

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Barney On the Fourth of July

My Hero


Mediocre mush-heads of Mayberry,

     I had intended on following up on the previous post with a continuation of sorts: something to further explain why I haven’t written at all within the past two months. A bit of catch-up; a retelling of the things I lived through, a listing of the highs and lows. But my discussion of the recent events in my life will have to wait. Something more important has come up.

     The day I’ve long been fearing has finally arrived: Don Knotts is dead.

     I knew it was coming; this thought has been recurring in my mind for the past few years. Having already lost Jonathan Harris, Roddy McDowall, Tony Randall, Anthony Perkins, and countless valuable others, we are at the end of an era. Barring friends and family, I can honestly say that Don Knotts was the person I most singularly didn’t wish to see die. Who’s left at this point? Jonathan Winters, and I won’t be much happy to see him go either, being that in addition to his magnificence as a performer, he was also a childhood friend of my recently-deceased grandfather. Add in the fact that he’s one of the few people left to have met the Wright brothers and there’s a further element of tragedy, the simply cruel element of time.

     But as saddened as I feel, I don’t wish to bum you all out. In fact, I wish to impress upon you the greatness of Don Knotts. This tiny man, this small, and unimpressive-seeming man had the pure stuff of greatness. I ask you all to go and see The Ghost and Mr. Chicken or The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Heck, just see anything with Don Knotts in it (besides Pleasantville, which was a rotting, stinky pile of crap) because his acting was always brilliant. Even his short appearance in It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World is easily worth it.

     Yes, I am sad to see Don Knotts go. He was quite a singular talent; unique and never matched. Godspeed on your journey to comedy heaven old bean! Give my regards to Vincent Price, Johnny Cash, Boris Karlov, and Jim Henson. I’ll certainly be glad to see you all when I get there. My, how I miss all you old greats. I truly hope that if there is a heaven, if there is a better place, that Don Knotts is in it. He certainly earned it.

Be seeing you,
The Virgin Prince
The Virgin Prince, 2:13 AM | link |
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